Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
