Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
