I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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