am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
