Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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