Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
