apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Couch. On fire.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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