i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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