a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
