Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
