You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
