I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
