I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Randomize
