What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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