It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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