My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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