just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
