If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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