I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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