Everything about him screamed your future.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
