Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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