IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize