are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
