id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
