In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
