I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
