Your face is a jimmy john
I think I died a long time ago.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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