Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
