If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
