Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
