dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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