I wanna bring you to show and tell
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
