btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
