Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
