is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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