pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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