I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
