Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
