T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
