everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
