Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
