i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
