If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
