if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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