I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
