That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
