I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
