I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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