Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
