i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
