Everything about him screamed your future.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
