bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
