Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
