we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
