my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
