Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
