I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
