you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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