Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
