He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
