How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I look better un-naked...
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
