i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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