So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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