my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
