She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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