i need an iv and a liver transplant
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
