I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
