You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
