I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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